Why are celebrities prone to giving their children the burden of singular, unusual names?  I’ve given it some thought.

Ever since Chaz Bono was born “Chastity,” and the Zappas begat Moon Unit, stars have encumbered their children with names that are memorable.  It makes me wonder if the need for fame eclipses rational thought. (Stars!  They’re not like us!)   Children do like to fit in amongst their peers; being the kid who is driven to school by a bodyguard could be isolating enough without having to deal with a strange and regrettable moniker.

Considering many celebrity babies have publicity campaigns engineered for positive pr for their parents (including styled magazine cover shoots), these children are not given a shot at a private life.  

I feel sorry for them.  

And believe me, I didn’t love having a popular name when I grew up (though my school was so small I was the only Lisa in my grade).  But still — Apple’s classmates or their parents will all try to cadge an invitation to a playdate at her house, before they look for one at plain old Olivia’s house.  

Last night Twitter was ablaze with reaction to the name of the Beyonce-Jay-Z baby name.  Blue Ivy somehow is connected to Satan or the Illuminati or maybe even Nostradamus predicted this name would occur just before the Mayan End of Days.  (No I never waste time.)

And then what if Knox or Brooklyn gets into trouble?  They’ll be in the news before you can say “Andrew.”