Not my favorite holiday. In fact, I am the Ebenezer Scrooge of Halloween.
Okay, I’ll tell you why.
- Unless you live in an apartment building or in a very warm climate (and I do live in an apartment building), one’s costume must always be compromised and covered by a coat. So you see little kids walking around with pumpkin heads and galoshes. Or a princess in a North Face parka, or something very wrong indeed.
- Competitive mothers have asked me — though not recently — what I planned to make for my children’s costumes. I pretended I was hard of hearing. MAKE? The question (though so dull) is: What costumes will you be buying? And that doesn’t make for a riveting conversation.
- Too many girls think they are witty when they dress up as a “prostitute.” Very unfunny.
- The children get wired on sugar, and Halloween actually lasts at least 36 hours.
- I get wired from purloined Baby Ruths and Charleston Chews — substances I don’t ordinarily permit in my
- The bickering over the inevitable candy trades.
- Candy wrappers for weeks.
- Empty candy wrappers in my children’s pockets.
- I just don’t like it.
But if, after all my very strong points you decide you still want to dress up for Halloween, what would a preppy costume be?
- An estate lawyer
- An estate manager
- A golf pro.
- A sailor.
- A trust fund baby.
- An art restorer.
- A decorator.
- A second wife.
- A prep school admissions officer.
- A tennis pro.
- A U.S. Senator.
- A museum curator.
- A volunteer.
- An orthopedic surgeon
- A woody wagon.