It’s cold out, but the sun is shining, and that makes all the difference in the world. To me, light is both solace and promise, and so I can sit and write with equanimity and see some good in the world, even though George Soros never sent me my own light saber. (Bad joke. Mea culpa.)
I have long been interested in the disappearance of shame and embarrassment. Those emotions have plagued me my whole life, and though they’ve made me uncomfortable for decades, they have given me a strong sense of consequences and limits. They’ve gone away (I date it to the first Kardashian sex tape – whomever was doing something with someone in front of a camera and THEN whomever thought, “what a homerun for our brand!”)
So do something that causes a “level of discomfort”, and your body confirms it is iffy via blushing, sweating, stomach ache, or other reactions you’d rather not have. That’s how we learn.
In 2021, people do horrible and horribly embarrassing things and somehow let it slip off their shoulders without a thought. Too bad, I say. Let’s bring back a sense of shame and mortification. They worked well.
Lisa Birnbach and Mary Trump
My guest this week is Mary Trump who grew up in a family that believed in humiliation but not security or affection. It only took about 20 emails, months of phone calls, and a DM, but in the end, I bring our conversation to you. I read her book Too Much and Not Enough cover to cover, and if you haven’t yet, it’s a good read. Like an updated Dickens novel in a way – Fred Sr. and Mary Trump were cruel and punishing. Mary L. Trump and her brother Fritz were treated like orphans.
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But first and fast, here are my five things that make life better.
1. Being a grown up. I hate the slowing down that comes with age, but I love the authority it brings. I’m getting more comfortable being that person – who offers unsolicited and unwanted advice. I’m enjoying the tropes of “when I was a little girl,” and “let me tell you what New York was like…” but I’m that old fogey. And I’m getting comfortable with that. (See shame, above.)
2. Earl Grey tea. Because you can’t drink coffee all day. Or at least I shouldn’t.
3. My baby pillow. #ExhibitE (#ExhibitA’s wife) got me a squeezy pillow with a life sized picture of the baby. It feels like forever until I’ll see him again, and now I can squish this and get some low-rent oxytocin hormone, that’ll ameliorate how much I miss him.
4. Soup. I don’t know how one gets through a cold snap or a winter without it. Why would you even want to? Soup is everything, and stew is even more of everything. This week’s favorites are a peppery pea soup and a cream of roasted mushroom that reeks of butter.
5. My twitter idols are Margaret Sullivan (@sulliview) and Joyce Vance (@JoyceWhiteVance). The former is the media columnist at the Washington Post. I became aware of her when she was the Public Editor (kind of the readers’ ombudsman) of the New York Times. She digests the news and the way it is delivered to us, and helps us make sense of the chaos. Joyce Vance is a frequent commentator on MSNBC and NBC News. She is a former federal prosecutor who now teaches at the University of Alabama Law School. I find myself retweeting her more than anyone else.
Mary Trump
Mary Trump’s 5 Things:
1. Her Daughter Avary
2. Art of all kinds
3. The Sea
4. Traveling
5. Her Pets.
More About Mary Trump:
TOO MUCH AND NEVER ENOUGH: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man
By Mary L. Trump, Ph.D.
Twitter: @MaryLTrump
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The 5 Things That Make Life Better podcast is recorded and produced at The Field in NYC. My team is Shpresa Oruci, Michael Porte, Sam Haft and Boco Haft.The Field in NYC.